god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
