The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
