I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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