Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
