My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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