i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
