I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
