She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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