Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
