Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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