i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
