My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
