(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
