i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
