I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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