I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
