If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltš
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Drunk is a universal language darling
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I guess Iām only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to āMarilyn Monroeā and āJoe DiMaggioā in their condo
Randomize
