Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
