If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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