In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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