apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
