yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Watching her eat just hurts me
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
