I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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