Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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