I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
