i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
