I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
