Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
