can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i think i have herpe
just one?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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