Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
we have pet lesbian snakes
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
