Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
