She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
