I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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