What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
