I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
