Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
