he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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