I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
