its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my shit smells like andre
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
FUCK WHALES
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
