Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
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