I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I can't turn off my feet"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
