"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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