why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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