I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
