just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
