you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
