Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
