brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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