Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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