I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
