Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
