I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
