Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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