Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
