I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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