I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
