i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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