Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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